*Disclaimer: I may make some generalizations in this blog. It's ok. Your situation may not fit this situation. That's the cool thing about God. He made us all completely different and speaks to each and every one of us in the ways we need to hear. So, if you don't identify with this, great!
This scripture has been on my heart this week, well, maybe a little longer than that. Now, if you are not married and are reading this, please don't stop. Singles, this is so important to know and it applies to you, too. Scripture speaks on this topic several times. So, it's pretty important.
Husbands and wives. We're pretty different. I have spoken to several women in the past couple of weeks who happen to be wives. They all seem to be missing something, searching for something, waiting on something, fearful of something. I find more often than not they find themselves afraid to bring the situation or the worry to their husbands for fear of what they might say or do, not really giving them the opportunity or the chance to be supportive to their wife. The wife finds herself digging into scripture and praying, but often alone. I love that these ladies are digging deep and finding God in every situation and that is exactly what they should be doing, but there is something that does bother me.
When we marry. we leave our father and mother and are joined together. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, Wives are meant to submit (honor, respect) their husbands as the church does to Christ. Husbands are meant to be be spiritual leaders. THAT is where I believe we wives get hung up. "My husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader of our home." If it doesn't look like we like it to look, often times we as women tend to take over and try to make it look like we think it should look like. Ladies, can I let you in on a secret? It's not going to look like that. Maybe not ever. You see, Your husband is on his own spiritual journey. He may have completely different experiences than you do. Women tend to learn through emotion and need to feel that nearness to God. Men are completely different. They tend to learn from their experience and adventure around them. They feel near to God in his creation and maybe not as much in a worship service. They think differently, they feel differently and that's great! If we were the same, it would be so boring. Don't put him or God in a box.
So, when we as women take over that spiritual leader role because our husband's leadership doesn't look like we think it should look like, it skews the balance. It doesn't feel right and both husband and wife may become frustrated and may not even know why. It doesn't give him the opportunity to lead in the way he is designed to. No, it may not look like the family devotional around the dinner table. Look at how Christ led his disciples. They were on the go, on the hillside, near the river, in the garden, in a boat. He taught his disciples as they lived. It was valuable because he met them where they were. Read Deuteronomy 6:1-2, 7 it commands us to "Repeat God's words to our children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Your husband's way of leading is biblical! Ladies, your leadership of your kids is just as valuable. They need the nurture, emotion side of the learning, too, but they need BOTH voices in their lives and if you just take over that other part, it just leaves it kinda one sided and it kinda cheats your husband of the opportunity to serve your family. ***Some thoughts from James (my husband)***1. Realize he communicates best when doing something else and not sitting face to face. (He may be driving or working on a project). Don't miss out on those opportunities or discount them because they are not "over coffee" conversations. 2. Make space for him. James hears this from other men and sometimes struggles with this, too. (Which means I have work to do as a wife, too) It's hard to find time to discuss with their wives and when they do, it feels like they are competing with phones or other voices/needs. There NEEDS to be time without kids/phones/or other distractions. (DATE NIGHT IS IMPORTANT)
Husbands, God gave you an amazing gift in being the head of your home. Now that we know that your experience of God may be a little different, He did give specific instructions on how to lead your family. This passage in Ephesians isn't the only passage. Look in 1 Corinthians and Colossians. Family is so important to God. Your leadership of your family is even more important. You're the hero of the family, you're to love your wife like Christ loves the church, like you love yourself. Now, I know that you LOVE your wife. Can I let you in on a secret. She's scared that you don't know the Father like she does. She's scared that your relationship with Christ is not as intimate as hers is. Whether that is true or not, we just learned that you learn differently, BUT it is important to HER that you share what God is doing in your life. I know you talk to God. I know you study His word. I know He speaks to you, but if you don't share that with your wife (think the church) how does she know that you are pursuing Him? Verse 25 stands out to me, "cleansing her with the washing of water by the word." This would be refreshing to your wife. It satisfies a thirst deep in her soul. It doesn't have to be in the form of a couples devotional (unless you want to do that), just share with her from time to time where you are studying, what you are praying about, what God is speaking to you. When she comes to you with her day, offer to pray with/for her. I promise, it's like water to her soul. The number 1 thing, though, is you do need to be pursuing God. Pursuing Him creates an intimacy with each other that's incredible!
So, long story short....1. Communicate in your relationship about God, let each other know what's up in your journey.2. Men, be the head of your home, don't step aside and let your wife do it.3. Women, let him lead, in his way and give him the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to weigh in on issues in your life and the lives in your home. Don't fear "what he will say," it strips him of the opportunity to respond.4. Love each other well and deeply, be interested and invested. 5. Singles, get this in your head before you marry. <3
